Navigating family pressure as a queer couple planning your wedding 🏳️‍🌈

Planning your wedding should feel like a celebration of love. But for many LGBTQ+ couples, the joy of wedding planning is often clouded by pressure: to make others comfortable, to invite family who may not fully accept your love, or to find a way to shrink yourself to avoid conflict.

As a therapist and wedding photographer who works with queer couples, I want to shout from the rooftops:

Your wedding is not a stage for anyone else's comfort.

A wedding is supposed to be a personal and affirming day to celebrate the love you and your partner have built together!

If you're feeling pressure to include conservative family members, here are a few ways to respond- with boundaries, compassion, and your mental health at the center.

First... You don't owe anyone an invitation to your wedding.

Your guest list is not a family obligation checklist. It's an intentional collection of people who support you, celebrate you, and most importantly respect your love.

If someone doesn't meet those qualifications, it's more than OK to leave them off your guest list! While this is much easier said than done depending on the pressure you're experiencing from family, ask yourself:

Would this person's presence allow me to feel safe, seen, and celebrated?

If the answer is no, you have clarity on whether they'll make the guest list.

what to say to conservative family members

Navigating these conversations can be tricky and uncomfortable. Here are a few scripts that balance grace with firm boundaries:

"We're keeping our wedding small and intentional. We're prioritizing people who fully support our relationship."

This shifts the conversation away from who's not invited, and focuses on the value of who you are choosing to invite.

"We're not looking to debate our identity or relationship. We hope you can respect our boundaries, even if you don't understand them."

This gives them the chance to reflect without giving them the space to debate.

"We've decided not to invite people who make us feel unsafe or unseen. This day is about joy and we're protecting that."

This is especially important if past interactions have included misgendering, homophobia / transphobia, and microaggressions.

"If you want to be part of our day, we'd love to have you but only if you're able to show up with love and not judgement."

This creates a clear expectation for behavior and puts the responsibility on them to meet those expectations.

if you do choose to include conservative guests in your wedding:

• Have a friend or chosen family member serve as a buffer or point-person for any tension.

• Seat unsupportive guests away from the vulnerable or emotional areas (front row at ceremony, table closest to your table/cake cutting table, etc.)

• Let your photographer (hey, hi) know ahead of time so I can be aware of dynamics and help to gently redirect energy if needed.

how to protect your mental health during wedding planning

Regular check-ins with a queer-affirming therapist can help process guilt, anxiety, grief, etc. that may come with planning a wedding.

Keep a physical reminder somewhere visible, such as a note, reminding you that you're building something beautiful and that you deserve joy!

Create affirming rituals such as writing love letters to each other, make a vision board, and fully ground in your relationship.

Reminder: you don't have to shrink yourself to have a beautiful wedding. you deserve to be fully you, fully loved, and fully supported.

If you're looking for a photographer who honors your unique love story, your identity, and your mental health- I'm here for you.